According to studies by renowned family therapist John Gottman, couples who were more satisfied with marriage differed from those who were not satisfied with marriage 67 percent in that they had detailed and comprehensive knowledge about the inner world of his partner.
Of course, many couples have learned to calmly relate to the lack of attention to the details of the life of their half. One or both spouses may have the most superficial idea of the joys, likes, dislikes, fears, problems of the other. A husband may be interested in contemporary art, and his wife may not know who his favorite artist is. He does not remember the names of her friends or that colleague who, as it seems to her, is constantly trying to "sit" her.
On the contrary, in emotional and intellectual marriages (as Gottman calls them), spouses are well acquainted with each other's worlds. Each spouse has a detailed “love card”.
This is the part of the brain where you store all the information related to the life of your half.
Love cards protect marriages after dramatic changes. Husband and wife in such pairs know well that everyone thinks and feels that they have not lost their course.
Game “20 questions” - Create each other's “Love Card”
Posted by John Gottman | PhD J. Gottman
Dzherelo: book "Map of love"
According to the research of the famous family psychotherapist John Gottman, happy couples who are happy with their marriage and relationships do not get tired of recognizing each other, “collecting information” and “exploring” each other throughout their lives. Happy spouses are well aware of the things that make my partner happy, about his / her likes / dislikes, fears, problems, thoughts and feelings of each other, etc. In the head of a loving husband / wife, a detailed “love card” is hidden, as it were, consisting of events, preferences, hobbies of a partner, which leads directly to his / her heart.
Happy families are like “photographers”, witnesses and “chroniclers” of each other’s lives.
A “love card” is that part of the brain where you store all the information related to the life of your “other half”. Love cards protect marriages after dramatic changes.
Family Club Tip:
Even if you think that you know each other perfectly, do not give up! There are always things in your husband / wife that can surprise you greatly.
Our goal is to get to know each other better, create a “love card” from the life of a partner and return tremulous excitement to your relationship by asking each other questions that you may not often ask each other. For example: do you know that your partner likes to wear to feel sexy and attractive?
Play together, asking each other these questions, laughing and rejoicing about each other. The more you use such “question-o-games” - the more you will get to know each other.
How to complete the task:
1. Take each piece of paper, pen or pencil.
2. Together, randomly select (in the scatter) any 20 numbers from 1 to 60. If you don’t have a lot of time to complete the task, select at least 10 numbers. Write your chosen numbers in the column on the left side of the leaflet.
3. Below you will find a list of numbered questions. Choose the questions that match your numbers on your piece of paper.
4. Take turns asking each other questions. Each of you must ask your partner all 20 (10) questions.
5. If the answer is correct (only you decide!), Your partner receives the number of points indicated next to the question, and you get one point. If your partner answers incorrectly (to your wiggle) - none of you get points. The same rule applies when you answer.
6. In the game, the winner is the one who receives the most points after both of you have answered all 20 (or 10) questions.
Family Club Tip:
The winners in this game are both of you, because when you play this question-about-game, you will know each other at a deeper level, grow in relationships and create unity and closeness. Play this game on the weekend, come up with your own questions and develop your own “love map”, recognizing and delving into each other.
1. Name two of my closest friends. (2)
2. Name my favorite band, composer or musical instrument. (2)
3. What was put on me during your first meeting? (2)
4. Name my hobby, hobby. (3)
5. Where was I born? (1)
6. What difficulties do I have now? (four)
7. Describe in detail what I did today or yesterday (4).
8. When is my birthday? (one)
9. What is our wedding anniversary? (one)
10. Who is my favorite relative? (2)
11. What is my biggest unfulfilled dream? (five)
12. What is my favorite flower? (2)
13. What am I most afraid of or what is the worst case scenario for me? (3)
14. What time of day do I prefer to make love? (3)
15. What do I feel most competent in? (four)
16. What sexually excites me? (3)
17. What is my favorite food? (2)
18. How do I like to spend the evening? (2)
19. What is my favorite color? (1).
20. What personal improvements do I want to make in my life? (four)
21. Which gift would I like most? (2)
22. What was the best event of my childhood? (2)
23. How do I prefer to spend my holidays? (2)
24. What is the best way to comfort, reassure me. (4)
25. Who is the source of support for me (besides you)? (3)
26. What is my favorite sport? (2)
27. What will I most likely do if I have free time? (2)
28. What is one of the things I like to do on weekends (2)
29. Where do I prefer to go on vacation? (3).
30. What is my favorite movie? (2)
31. What are the important events in my life? How do I feel about them? (four)
32. How do I like to solve problems? (2)
33. Who was my best friend in childhood? (3)
34. Name one of my favorite magazines. (2)
35. Name my main rivals or “enemies”. (2)
36. Describe my ideal job. (four)
37. What am I most afraid of? (four)
38. Which of the relatives do I like the least? (3)
39. What is my favorite holiday? (2)
40. Which books do I like the most? (3)
41. What is my favorite TV show? (2)
42. Which side of the bed do I prefer? (2).
43. What upsets me the most? (four)
44. Name one of my sorrows and anxieties (4)
45. What medical problems worry me? (2)
46. When was I the most ashamed? (3)
47. What is the worst event in my childhood? (3)
48. What are the two people I admire most (4)
49. Name my main rival or “enemy”. (3)
50. Of all the people we both know, who do I like the least? (3)
51. What is my favorite dessert? (2)
52. What is the passport number of your partner. (2)
53. Name one of my favorite fiction novels. (2)
54. What is my favorite restaurant? (2).
55. What are my two dreams (hopes, aspirations, desires). (four)
56. Do I have secret ambitions? What kind? (four)
57. What dishes can I stand? (2)
58. What is my favorite animal? (2).
59. What is my favorite song? (2).
60. What is my favorite tree? (2).