And time doesn’t heal. It drowns the wounds, it simply covers them from above with a gauze bandage of new impressions, new sensations, life experiences ... And sometimes, clinging to something, this bandage flies, and fresh air enters the wound, giving it new pain ... and new life ... Time - a bad doctor ... It makes you forget about the pain of new wounds, inflicting more and more. So we crawl through life like its wounded soldiers .. And every year everything grows on the soul and the number of badly applied bandages ..
Erich Maria Remarque
How to survive the pain and get rid of it?
But how to make it forever remain in the soul?
The two main mechanisms for the occurrence of mental or mental pain
What is the pain for?
Mental pain is a natural function of the body that is designed to heal wounds. This feeling was not given to us in order to cause suffering, but in order for us to pay attention to the wound, to devote time to it and to heal it.
“Reality is not what happens to us, but what we do with what happens to us.”
How can we deal with our pain?
The worst thing we can do with pain is ignore it, try not to notice, keep it in ourselves, suppress it. Time does not heal, but only covers the wound. Perhaps the pain decreases, but it will forever remain in the soul and body of a person, entering the stage of life when circumstances affect it, or manifesting itself in the form of a psychosomatic disease.
The best way to get rid of pain is to live in pain.
It is extremely important that you can share this pain with another person. Living in pain alone is the path to endless suffering when grief does not subside, but, on the contrary, intensifies when the injury is not cured, but only "picked."
It is in contact with another that a person has the opportunity to do the work of pain and heal a wound, restore the integrity of mental tissue, free himself from suffering, learn to live in new conditions.
So cry to another, talk about your loss, share experiences.
I want to say a few words for those who come with their pain.
How to behave to help another survive the pain.
Here it is worth recalling how people usually behave and what they say when someone else is crying nearby:
It’s not easy to bear the pain of others, so we protect ourselves and say “Do not cry”. Meanwhile, we offer the partner to freeze his pain and leave it forever in his psyche.
- Well, that you suffer so much, you will find / give birth to yourself another.
No one and nothing will replace the lost. Another will take a different place in the soul, and loss requires grief.
- Everything will be fine. Look at the sun on the street. Life is Beautiful.
All such types of comfort do not help the sufferer, but only make you feel that you cannot share his feelings, and he is alone in his experiences.
- An urgent need to do something. Let me help you.
Starting to save the suffering, you only exacerbate the situation. The interaction begins in the triangle "victim-tyrant-rescuer."
The best you can do:
- let the sufferer cry
- share your feelings and reactions,
- hug a partner
- just BE nearby. DO NOT, but BE.
In this case, the pain will be healed, the wounds heal, and the relationship between you will strengthen.
All the best to you.
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The challenges we face today are rooted in past events. Even if we are currently adults, a child still lives in us, with all his emotions and feelings. This part of us can react strongly to certain experiences and situations that we are currently experiencing, and may be the feelings of this little child from our past.
Before talking about what is called "psychological problems" or "mental wounds", you need to understand (at least in general terms) how our psyche works.
In various psychological and psychotherapeutic schools, there are a number of different models of the "inner world" of a person, in this article I will describe the simplest and most generalized vision of what our psyche represents.
Each of us, as you know, has many different needs, which in turn can be combined into a fairly small number of the most common and important. Sometimes this kind of need is also called meta-need. There are different views on what needs are basic and general (this is just like the idea of the psyche due to differences in psychological schools and psychotherapeutic methods).
But, by and large, in all schools and areas, one of the main features of our meta-needs is that there is a huge (you can even say infinite) many ways to satisfy the same basic need! That is, frankly, we ourselves choose how in our life what we need is realized.
So, the task of our psyche is satisfaction of needs (in any way)! That is, all our mental processes are aimed at satisfying the most important needs for us. At the same time, using a convenient and familiar way of satisfying them (often to the detriment of some areas of our lives). The most commonly used methods of satisfying needs are also called: stereotypes of behavior, habitual reactions, basic life strategies, scenarios, response patterns, etc.
However, let us return to the description of the model of our psyche, and more precisely to mental processes. In general terms, all mental processes can be divided into rational and irrational:
- Rational processes are the topic of logical thinking, building relationships and patterns, understanding and analysis,
- Irrational processes are a topic of emotions, feelings, experiences and living.
Incidentally, these processes are well connected through bodily sensations. There is even a whole direction working through the body with mental processes - this is body-oriented psychotherapy. In this article I will not delve into the basics of the body-oriented approach and the principles of the relationship between the psyche and the body, I just want to note that these relationships exist and the body is a very important component of our life. This kind of understanding and attitude towards ourselves will help us when it comes to using the resources of the body in the healing of "spiritual wounds." But first, pay attention to how these "wounds" generally appear in our lives.
MEDITATION: "MEETING WITH YOURSELF"
If a person is inside, whole in his soul (like a strong Antonovka apple) - he does not need anything special to feel comfortable. If there are holes in his soul, a piercing wind walks in them, you need to close them somehow. Almost everyone has these holes, they are “you freak”, “don't argue with your father”, “here you go fool from the alley”, “don't go to your mother, leave me alone ...”.
It is very difficult to love yourself when there are holes in the soul through which the joy of being flows continuously. We try to close them: cakes, cigarettes, demands of love, wandering around the Internet, glasses of alcohol. But in each of us there is a part that is absolutely intact - by connecting to it, you can patch small small holes on your own and slowly narrow large old ones.
The purpose of the workshop is to feel like a whole, valuable and living person, to turn to yourself.
This exercise is “Meeting With Yourself”, a variant of meeting with an inner child in a modification of the psychologist Marina Zosimova.
In each of us there is a child - a special state in which we are connected to an internal source of cheerfulness, spontaneity, physicality, active, boiling energy. This child is “woven” from the memories and impressions of childhood, from the experience of the first five years of life, from fantasies and games with which this period is filled. This baby is always with us, he is part of us that we forget about ...
Before doing the exercise you need to tune in. If it helps you focus, turn on some nice soft music, get some privacy.
Step 1. Sit comfortably on the floor or in a chair - sit with a flat back and relaxed shoulders.
Follow your breath for a few minutes.
When you feel that you have relaxed and calmed down, start:
remember the day from your childhood when you were very, very happy.
Restore this day in your memory in great detail as if it was happening to you right now.
Who is next to you? What are you doing? What are you wearing? What's happening?
Feel the joy that you experienced then.
Stay in this state as much as you want.
Take a look with your inner eyes the picture you see. When you are ready, continue to the next exercise.
Step 2 Now transport yourself back to our time in your imagination and imagine that a door opens into the room where you are.
In the doorway is a baby of three or five years. He is you in childhood. He stands on the threshold and waits for you to call him.
Look at him - what is he like? What is he wearing? In what mood did you come?
Invite him in, gently call him by name ...
When the baby is near you, start talking to him. Tell him about yourself - what you have become, into whom you grew up, what you do.
Tell us something most important for you now, share with what excites you.
Spend time with him - play, show the room, chat. When the baby has enough, hug him tightly and thank him for the meeting! Take your hand and lead to the door, say goodbye.
After the baby leaves, take a deep breath, exhale and return from the space of your imagination to the outside world.
This exercise is a form of meditation. And it is actively used in various variations in training, when the task is to connect to resources.
It is very important that at times each of us can say to ourselves:
I am not my appearance
I am not my thoughts
I'm not my feelings
I am not my job and not my friends
I am not my problems
And what will remain after we give up everything superficial is really your “I”. And most likely after this procedure he will remain - an inner child, protecting whom we come up with all our shells, armor and addictions. But he doesn’t need cigarettes or the Internet - just play a little and the weather is nice. Be children, at least sometimes.
Is Time Healing Mental Wounds?
The assertion that time heals is true only in cases where the wound is “cleaned and treated.” If you can’t cope with the memories and you continue to suffer from mental pain, it is best to turn to a psychologist for help. You can’t throw such a heartache to gravity!
Mental injury wound discord
From strong spiritual wounds, scars remain, smaller ones are tightened without a trace. Time really can reduce the severity of emotions, remove the passions.
Much depends on the desire of the person himself. For some of us, for various reasons, it is important to remember what happened to the smallest detail, while others prefer to erase traumatic memories. In order for time to become a doctor, you need to allow this to happen.
Over time, we look at the events from the “other side”, without bright emotional coloring. Such a view helps to correctly assess the past and get rid of unnecessary experiences. Time contributes to the fact that traces of unpleasant events are erased in the memory, the brightness of colors disappears, the details of what happened are forgotten.
Healing with time is the substitution of negative events in the minds of others, also painful or, conversely, joyful. Under the influence of emotions and unconscious processing of information in our psyche, the images of the past change somewhat - they lose their sharpness and brightness and do not injure as they did at the time of what happened.
The most painful and deepest spiritual wounds we receive from people close to us. From those we let into our souls. If you have been dealt with in such a way that you feel rejected, humiliated, betrayed, abandoned, then what will happen next ?! Yes, time heals wounds, but only when the "bullet" that hit you is removed from the wound. If the wound remains in the body, the wound may heal, but you cannot be called healthy. Until you can deal with your resentment, guilt, or a feeling of helplessness and inferiority, time will not cure you, but only muffle the pain.
Is it possible to completely forget what happened over time?
Children are much more likely to completely forget difficult experiences, since such a mechanism of psychological protection as repression is more inherent in immature individuals. An adult is more likely to forget the power of emotions that accompanied the experience, but will remember the facts. Over time, there is some distortion of information, so the memories become less vivid. In psychology, it is generally accepted that a person does not forget anything, and all information is stored in the so-called tertiary memory.
It is possible to completely forget, but, as a rule, this is not deliverance, but the reaction of the brain to extreme stress. This phenomenon is called crowding out: a person refuses to accept the situation into his life, and it seems that he simply forgot it. But, remaining at a deep level of memory, an unprocessed situation affects all actions.
If the experience was strong, a protective mechanism called repression is activated. The psyche drives away painful memories, translating them from conscious to unconscious condition, as a result of which a person may not remember at all what happened to him. However, the results of psychological trauma can be manifested in mood swings, depression, poor health.
Records of life events fade from consciousness and are stored on the shelves of the unconscious. The key to reproducing them is the emotional significance of the event. If you survived, comprehended and let go the feeling of a soul-tormenting soul, then it leaves completely, and his picture becomes not so bright and screaming. If you try to send the event to a distant shelf, the severity of the experience will subside, but the pain will not go away and will pop up with an emotional outburst.
How to treat a mental wound ..
To anesthetize, it means to temporarily feel good, and then the pain will return and everything will start again. Mental pain or mental anguish must be treated, treated for a long time. sometimes a very long time!
Someone begins to try drugs and go into another world, someone does not stand up and gets drunk, and someone simply, wedges a wedge. And yet, how to relieve mental pain? Probably it is worth doing something new and exciting, finding yourself a business that will fill your void and life will take on a new meaning.
You can get a puppy and give him all your love and care. You can make new friends of interest and try to fill all your free time with new hobbies.
You can just try to live differently, in a new way. change yourself and understand what happened.
It is believed that mental wounds heal time - this is a myth. Love heals spiritual wounds: mother, husband, sister, friend - it doesn’t matter. And only children can anesthetize and heal the wounds of the soul because they are angels on earth. They love with all their heart, rejoice with all their souls, hug as much as they have strength and appreciate the true joys of life. It does not matter to the child who you work for, how much you earn and what others think about you. He either loves you or not. This sincere love heals any wounds, gives strength to live and fight on. I am sick (my legs are sore), I am sick because of doctors. There was a period when I almost laid hands on myself, but I live. I was stopped by the last look at a photograph of my nephew, who is like a son to me. I realized that I would hurt him very much if I left like this and couldn’t. More than one year passed, and I almost coped with the disease. They give me strength: support for my beloved, my mothers (my future mother-in-law is also calling mom), sister and nephew. One of them: “Aunt, you will succeed, you’re strong. Do not cry, I’m going to cry too. I love you.” It works better than any medication and doctors because I know that people believe in me, value and love me. I know that I have no right to let them down, because this is the most valuable thing that I have.