Feeling beautiful is a special experience. But like other emotions, such as joy or sadness, delight or fear, it is very changeable: it appears at one moment and may disappear at the next. And we perceive our appearance always in different ways. This is a feeling that we are not able to control.
If we are just from the hairdresser, we are waiting for the reaction of others, but no one pays attention to the new haircut, we may experience acute disappointment. Magazines and movies offer different images of beauty. But the general unspoken demand of “be beautiful” remains unchanged, and it is difficult to get rid of its influence.
Some tend to look like universally recognized beauties and suffer disappointment, since the counterparts of Angelina Jolie and Scarlett Johansson are rare among us. Others try to ignore this appeal, but as a rule, to no avail. That is what makes us miserable. Isn't it better to choose the third way - to gain your own experience of beauty? The one that suits us, and not the one that is being imposed on us.
Psychologists advise finding new reasons to look after yourself. Going to the hairdresser is not in order to feel more beautiful, but for the sake of pleasure, to allocate two hours of rest in your busy schedule. Going to the gym with a girlfriend is not with the goal of losing weight, but just having a good time. Then that valuable sensation appears - “I feel good”, which protects us from worrying about physical disabilities.
Sofrologist Michel Freud, a specialist in the formation of harmonious consciousness, offers several exercises that will help you to be more friendly. To become a “caring mother” for yourself, to recognize your best human qualities and to focus on them - all this will make you feel more confident and joyfully accept your appearance.
1. To find a face again
We are not upset by wrinkles, but by the inconsistency of the image that appears in the mirror and which others see to our internal image of ourselves. It seems to us that our face no longer reflects what we really are. Let's try to find contact with him again.
A serene smile. Sit on a chair, breathe comfortably and calmly, concentrate on your face. Inhale through the nose, squeeze the jaws, exhale and unclench them. Then take a breath through your mouth, pronouncing the sound “o” with your lips, exhale and relax your whole face.
Take a breath, pronouncing the sound “and” with one lips. Exhale. Your face relaxes even more. Gently move the lower jaw to the right and left. The lips open, close without resistance, the tongue falls freely into place, the lips are relaxed, and you smile slightly.
Inner Light. Now think about your face. Touch it with your hands, like the most expensive item. Imagine that you are discovering it for yourself for the first time. Take time to “chat” with him. Imagine that you carefully apply your favorite cream, gladly feeling how it penetrates every wrinkle on the forehead, along the contour of the eyes, near the wings of the nose, around the mouth.
These movements bring comfort and peace. The skin becomes more tender, smooth. Think about your face, smile at him. Pay attention to each part individually: forehead, eyes, lips, cheeks, wrinkles. Each time you breathe in and out and send an inner, radiant smile to these areas. Then mentally surround your face with a halo of soft light. Keep this light in yourself and know that if you look at yourself in the mirror, you will remember this pleasant moment.
2. Live in your body
The more we lose contact with our body, the more cruel and critical look we look at it. We cease to experience any pleasant experiences, and as a result we have a distorted picture of ourselves. The goal of the next exercise, says Michel Freud, is to change the “body that we have” to “the body that reflects our essence.”
Full awareness. “If you listen to the messages of your body and give him the necessary care, then your perception will change - and the body too,” says Michel Freud. To begin with, feel how the water in the shower flows over the skin, caressing and soothing it. Make yourself a massage with cream, paying special attention to those areas that you like the least! Pay attention to your gestures, sensations and emotions.
Rooting. “A hunched back, crossed arms and legs give the impression of withdrawing into oneself. There is a pose that helps you feel better in your body, ”said the sophrologist. Stand up, close your eyes, relax your face, free your shoulders, slightly bend your knees. Place your feet in parallel, shoulder width apart. Let the chin, solar plexus and lower abdomen are on the same line.
With each inhale and exhale, be aware of your body that lives and breathes
Feel the stability and comfort of this position. With each breath, imagine how beneficial energy rises through your body. At each exhale, try to consolidate these pleasant sensations. Exercise regularly, which takes only five minutes, and feel the new strength.
Dialogue with yourself. Lie down and relax. Ask the question: “How am I feeling right now?” With each inhalation and exhalation, be aware of your body, which lives and breathes. Observe the pleasant state of peace and comfort that you have.
3. Enhance the radiance
"She entered the room, and everything around was brightened up," "she seemed to glow." Some people emit a special radiance, which is noticeable in the face, felt in a gait. It attracts the views of others.
“To be able to present yourself in this way, start taking care of your appearance and pay special attention to the pose,” explains Michelle Freud. - Confident people hold their heads high, smile and look into the eyes of others. Why not adopt these habits? ”Remember how those whose confidence you admire look like and follow their example.
Creative visualization. Imagine yourself the hero of a movie that someone looks with admiration and compliments. Other people join him and also praise you from the heart. Watch this scene carefully. Check it regularly to save your impressions.
Inner journey. Sit and close your eyes. Taking a few deep breaths and exhalations with your stomach, allow yourself to completely relax. Linger on the pleasant sensations that relaxation caused. Imagine that you are traveling inside yourself, to a source of heat and light. It can cause different associations, but first of all it gives you a deep feeling of self-confidence. This is a kind of center of your inner radiance.
Feel the energy that comes from you and illuminates the whole being. Take a deep breath and connect even deeper to the light source. Perform this exercise from time to time - when you need to regain confidence.
How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence
1. Forget about beauty standards
Drop your traditional beauty ideals imposed on us by glossy magazines and the media. You cannot change the definition of beauty for society, but you can change your attitude towards it.
Do not focus on the beauty that commercials or Hollywood films dictate to us. All this is nothing more than a picture and a good work of Photoshop, as well as a whole team of stylists and makeup artists.
Instead, try to see the beauty that you see in real people, those around you and your admiration.
2. Focus on your inner content
Describe yourself not only in terms of how you look, but also in terms of your inner content and spiritual qualities.
Focus on your internal rather than external qualities.
Focus on what you like about your abilities, personality, attitude and worldview. Highlight your pros when they shape you as a person.
All these characteristics almost invariably improve and develop over time, while physical beauty tends to fade and deteriorate over time.
3. Do not give in to stress
Do not worry when you feel that something is wrong with your appearance. The anxiety and stress that you experience about how you look can cause real harm to the beauty of your face.
Remember that all your inner experiences tend to reflect on your face. They, as a rule, worsen the appearance without contributing to its youth and attractiveness. It is stress that destroys and kills beauty.
A smile is the first thing you pay attention to when you first meet.
It sounds corny, but people love those people who smile, and not those who walk with displeased or suffering land mines. People are drawn to those who smile and have a positive attitude to life, whatever happens around.
In addition, according to feedback theory, an ordinary smile can really improve your mood and change your attitude towards life in a positive way.
5. Refuse makeup at least temporarily
If you cannot live without makeup, it is very difficult to refuse psychologically.
But this must be done. Try a day or two without makeup. This simple step will help you find out how you actually look without a layer of plaster.
In addition, your skin will be able to breathe freely, which will improve its condition and will benefit the general condition of the face.
6. Choose comfortable clothes
Give preference not only to beautiful, but also to comfortable clothes.
No wonder they say that they are met by clothes. The way you look can tell a lot about your inner state. When choosing clothes, remember that your style should reflect you from the inside.
However, in the pursuit of fashion and your own style, do not forget about convenience. Whether it is a suit, dress or jeans, they should be comfortable so that nothing restricts your movements.
And choosing beautiful clothes, you will feel more confident and attractive.
How to love yourself more
7. Take a break from the mirror
Take a break from the mirrors. This does not mean that you need to break or throw out all the mirrors in your home. Just give yourself a short pause during which you will not look into the mirrors every 5 minutes.
Try not to look at yourself in the rear-view mirrors of the car or linger in the glass shop windows.
Pass by the mirrors without stopping at them. Instead, focus on how you feel from the inside.
Without parting with a mirror, you will not improve your appearance in any way. In fact, this is a waste of time and effort.
8. Focus on being healthy
Pay attention to how you feel, not how you look.
Remember that a figure and a face is a reflection of your health. The state in which they are, speak of how healthy you are. And the general state of your appearance depends on how healthy you are.
Take care to bring your body in perfect order. Start leading an active lifestyle, go in for sports. Make it a habit to eat exceptionally healthy and wholesome foods, refuse harmful foods.
Eat more vegetables, fruits, greens. What you eat will be reflected on your face and deposited on your figure. Healthy and good food will only improve your appearance, while fast food will destroy you both from the outside and from the inside.
9. Ask your friends about how you look.
Sometimes we tend to underestimate ourselves. But what is there "sometimes", let's say bluntly: very often we belittle our real merits.
It may seem to you that your nose is huge, and freckles are a complete disaster, but for those who love you, your “flaws” may seem to be the most pleasant features, the so-called zest.
If you feel that you are "looking ridiculous" today or that you are "pretty well-fed," ask your loved ones about it. To your surprise, they can, on the contrary, praise you, encouraging you that you do not need any make-up, you are already beautiful and attractive.
Often our near and dear ones are those people who increase our own self-esteem. Indeed, for those to whom we are dear, we always seem beautiful, attractive, for them we are always the best.
10. Learn to take age for granted
Learn to accept your age and respect it. Aging is an inevitable physical process, which also has its advantages.
Stop comparing yourself to younger people. Constantly comparing yourself with someone, you exhaust yourself from the inside, which adversely affects your appearance.
Any comparison always detracts from a person’s self-esteem. Constantly comparing yourself with Hollywood stars or figures of domestic show business who are your peers, you can come to the conclusion that they look much better than you.
Such awareness can lead to frustration and even depression. Unfortunately, most of us cannot afford luxurious and expensive facial treatments and spas, and even more so plastic surgeries, which are affordable for rich people.
However, this is not a reason to be upset. You get older, which means wiser. You learn to love and accept yourself as you are, without too much tinsel and pathos.
Learn to have fun
Everything that you do for yourself should be fun. For example, a trip to a beauty salon should not be considered as a panicky doubt “Will they do me as well as last time?”, But as 2-3 hours of calm rest in the midst of your busy schedule. Or go to the gym not to lose weight quickly, but to spend time with friends. Then a valuable feeling “I enjoy” will appear, which will protect us from worrying about our, as it seems to us, physical defects.
Take your reflection in the mirror
Sometimes it may seem to us that our face no longer reflects our inner image. That is, you feel more or less good, but your face is tired, your eyes are worried, your muscles are tense.
Let's try to restore contact with your face.
Sit opposite the mirror, breathe evenly, feel your face. Inhale, squeeze the jaws, exhale and unclench them. Then inhale through the mouth, rounding your lips in the form of the letter “o”, exhale and relax your face. Now do the same, silently pronouncing the sound “and” with only your lips, exhale, gently move your jaw in both directions. Make sure that your lips open and close gently, without tension, the tongue freely lay in its place.
Now think of your face as the biggest jewel in the world. Touch it with your hands: stroke your cheeks, nose, circle your eyebrows, lightly stroke your eyelids.
Imagine that you apply your favorite cream to your face, feel how it penetrates into every cell of your skin, it becomes smooth and tender, like a baby’s.
Pay attention to every part of your face - lips, cheeks, nose, eyes, forehead. As you inhale, exhale, send inner radiant light, peace and pleasure to these parts.
Then surround yourself with a halo of soft light. Record this feeling in yourself and agree with yourself that every time you look at your reflection in the mirror, you will feel this soft light emanating from you.
Choose comfortable clothes
Wear clothes that make you feel comfortable and beautiful. Be sure to evaluate whether the thing is right for you in size: if jeans are stuck in the skin, if the bra is pulling.
If you have recovered, but are dreaming of regaining your former form, do not motivate yourself with the things you wore earlier. The protruding belly, now and then diverging lightning, which became a short jacket, of course, will attract the unhealthy attention of others: "What has she put on?" - but this is not the point.
Physical discomfort in clothes that do not suit us is reflected not only in facial expressions, movements, but also in general affects our energy and mood. How can you manage to enjoy yourself if bra straps drop off your shoulders now and then?
Get rid of complexes
Focusing on one’s physical disabilities, according to psychotherapist Michel Freud (granddaughter of Sigmund Freud), is often an echo of the experience due to lack of parental love. Let's try to fill this gap, and at the same time make peace with the unpleasant parts of our body through exercises.
Exercise Photos, Lists, and Anchoring
Take out your photos and choose from them the ones you like best. Write two lists: “What I like about myself” and “What I don't like.” Sit back, straighten your back, and think about the first shortcoming on the list. For example, nose hump. Now associate with him what you like. For example, think about the eyes: their color, shape, thick eyelashes framing them, lightly touch the eyelids, remember the compliments you heard about your eyes.
Keeping these good qualities in mind, secure them with any gesture or action. Например, возьмите себя за мизинец и слегка потяните. Повторите упражнение 4 раза. В следующий раз, когда вспомните эту неладную горбинку носа, потяните себя за мизинец. Проведите эту же процедуру, работая с оставшимися недостатками. Для них можете придумать свои якоря.
Упражнение «Коробка позитива»
Take the positive list from the previous exercise and complete it with a description of your personal qualities that you like, skills that you own, and so on.
Ask family members and your friends to participate in this exercise. Give each one a piece of paper. Let the survey participants list the features of your appearance, the personal qualities that they like, and your skills that delight them.
You will be pleasantly surprised by how others perceive you. For example, your sister may believe that you always knit a scarf in a stylish way (she doesn’t know how and always wanted to learn from you), and your boyfriend is delighted with your forms. And you were about to lose weight!
If among the participants there will be children who still do not know how to write, you can ask them to make cute gifts, drawings, crafts - origami, toys from felt, from cones and so on. If older relatives want to connect to the work, it will be just wonderful. Put all the gifts in a beautiful box or bag. Open the box of positives every time you feel the blues coming.
29. Do physical work
If you have a sedentary job, you sometimes so want to enjoy the beauty of the work, the result of which can be felt and seen. Engage in physical labor. For example, wash a car, rake foliage, rummage in the garden, etc. You will definitely see the result of your work. Movement, work, result - all this is so beautiful!
4. Overcome the complexes
A negative attitude towards physical disability is often an echo of old experiences related to the fact that parents did not often look at us with love and did not instill faith in our own value, Michelle Freud explains.
Exercise will help make peace with the "hated" parts of ourselves. If the degree of dissatisfaction with the shortcomings is too high, a consultation with a cognitive psychologist or a body-oriented psychotherapist will help to understand the causes of psychological discomfort and find ways to cope with it.
Friendly look. Review your photos and select the ones you love. Then make two lists: “What I like about myself” and “What I don't like.” Sit back, straighten your back and think about a flaw that depresses, possibly about eye circles. Then associate with it what you like, say, the eyes.
Think about their color, shape, touch them, remember the compliments that they told you about them, “hear” them. Keep these benevolent remarks in your mind, fix them in your memory with a gesture, for example, connecting the thumb and forefinger. Do this exercise 4 times in a row. Think about your shortcoming again and, squeezing your thumb and forefinger, return to positive images.
Go from one to the other until you start to concentrate on the positive aspect of your appearance. Each time you think about your lack again, it will be enough to squeeze your thumb and forefinger to return to a positive image of yourself.